THIRD EDITION

WHEN LOVE HURTS

A WOMAN’S GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

Books, resources, workshops & more…

For professionals
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Strengthen your practice using the innovative framework and powerful tools found in When Love Hurts

What you do is vitally important. If you support women who are experiencing abuse from a partner, you meet them at their most vulnerable. Partner abuse leaves women feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, and the impending challenges that lay before them can be daunting. Imagine if you could have a comprehensive guide that offered meaningful information and insights for the women you support. How might this strengthen your practice and enrich the support women receive? 

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When Love Hurts provides you with a state-of-the-art approach that will transform your practice

When Love Hurts has been making a difference for women for two decades. It is an essential framework for anyone who supports women impacted by abuse. It provides a paradigm shift that changes the way practitioners and advocates support women. It is straightforward and accessible, and integrates the complexities and challenges that reflect women’s experiences.

Our book helps women

This approach accelerates and deepens women’s insights and assists them through their journey to safety. Make the book available for women. A wealth of practical and accessible resources will help them make sense of their experience of abuse.

“This book has changed my life – maybe even saved my life. It lifted the confusion that was paralyzing me and gave me new understanding and clarity. I am now on a path to getting my life back.” – Alia.

Get our articles for professionals

Our website is an important resource for you, the practitioner. Our website and book together will complement your existing work with women. At the website you will find articles and resources to  enhance and guide your practice.

Resources

What professionals are saying

“When Love Hurts is a great resource for any woman who is tired of taking the blame for a painful relationship. If you wonder why the man you love is hurting you — and what you can do about it — this book will give you all kinds of useful information and strategies for changing your life. Just as importantly, it makes it clear that you are not responsible for his abusive behavior.”
Jackson Katz
Author of The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help
“Every woman who is struggling to understand the mistreatment she is experiencing in her relationship should begin by reading the wonderful book When Love Hurts. In these pages she will find the strength, validation, and insight she needs to reclaim her life and return it to its rightful owner – her.”
Lundy Bancroft
Author of Why Does He Do That
“I give a copy of When Love Hurts to every woman I support. The authors show deep compassion for what women are experiencing. The book is very accessible and is a helpful guide for women as they seek to understand and heal from abuse. Women say ‘it’s like the authors have been in my house. How do they know?!’”
Woman Abuse Support Worker, Powell River, B.C.

Our website is a resource for women

Women are searching for answers to what is happening to them in their relationships. understanding and insight. How do we help them find the most helpful information?

ARTICLES FOR WOMEN

What women are saying

“This book saved my life 4 years ago when my neighbour handed a copy of it over the back fence to me. She had heard my husband’s raised voice the night before. I have since given away more than 20 copies to friends who confide in me what is going on in their relationship. Every one of them has thanked me for the book.”
Navya
“I received this book when I was in a women’s shelter. It helped me realize I am not alone, and all of my reactions – confusion, fear, anger and sadness – are normal responses to being abused. This book should be given to every woman who is experiencing abuse. I believe it is essential and makes the transition to safety and freedom less scary. This book gives you all the answers for yourself, and for those who support you.”
Genesha
“It is like the fog that was shrouding my life has been lifted and I am able to see things for what they really are. The information my counsellor shared with me was very instrumental in getting me through this journey alive. I know which way to direct my steps – away from his abuse and towards a good life for myself.”
Lesley

Helping women get the answers they need.

Women who are experiencing abuse from a partner have many questions about their relationship. They are discouraged by the lack of relevant information and support they receive from family and friends. When Love Hurts provides women with accurate information about abuse, and how it’s impacted them. Women also gain new language and insights that enable them to see themselves as strong, resilient and capable women. 

THIRD EDITION BY PENGUIN RANDOMHOUSE

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About Jill and Karen

Jill and Karen are passionate advocates for women who have experienced abuse from a partner. Their deep compassion and respect for women is clearly evident throughout their work. They are committed to ensuring that women receive the best possible support, and that practitioners have access to the most effective training and tools. They have combined their decades of individual and group counselling with solid research to create a powerful and meaningful guide for women and practitioners.

Jill has worked as a women’s shelter advocate, and group counsellor for women with experiences of abuse. For the past 19 years, she was the director of the Woman Abuse Program at BC Women’s Hospital, where she, along with Karen, lead ground-breaking research on women-centred, low-barrier, harm reduction approaches for women with experiences of abuse. Karen has over 20 years experience facilitating support groups and providing individual counselling. She is also a certified trauma therapist. 

By bringing together their rich and divergent work, Jill and Karen provide a powerful, time tested and highly-effective model for supporting women. 

Jill and Karen travel throughout North America delivering workshops and keynote addresses 

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Jill and Karen stand together on the veranda in Burnaby.

News and updates

  • When Love Hurts Reflections, News and Resources
    by Jill Cory
    Reflections from a four-decade journey working toward a safer and more respectful world for women and children.
  • The destruction of parental alienation accusations: one woman’s story
    by Veya Clarkson
    When asked to write an article on the impacts parental alienation accusations had on me and my kids — I jumped at the chance. Telling my story proves to be healing each time I do it — largely in part because when all of this was happening, no one seemed to hear me or my…
  • A framework of healing from coercive control and abuse
    by Shalom Wiebe, MSW, RSW
    This descriptive framework is a collection of signs, feelings, actions, attitudes, and more, that indicate that healing is happening.
  • Women’s experiences of counsellors
    by WLH Team
    Over the years, we have heard stories from women of counsellors who offered advice that was hurtful and sometimes even dangerous.
  • How women resist abuse
    by WLH Team
    In our experience, when women are treated abusively in their relationship, they always seek ways to resist that treatment.
  • First do no harm
    by WLH Team
    Research and frontline experiences have documented women’s narratives about how the dynamics of abuse are echoed in services and systems. The service landscape once viewed women with experiences of abuse as resilient survivors, and the systems in need of change. Now, individual women are more often framed as problematic and in need of treatment to…
  • Holding space for painful realities
    by WLH Team
    One of the dynamics of abuse is that abusive men take away all the good choices for women so they are only left with bad choices.
  • Upcoming online training: Certified Training for Helping Professionals
    by WLH Team
    Training for helping professionals to provide a proven framework and comprehensive guide to strengthen their practice and enrich the support they offer women who have experienced partner abuse.
  • One woman’s description of navigating family court
    by WLH Team
    One woman's poetic description of navigating the horrors of Family Court.

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The right support makes all the difference.

There is no ‘how to’ formula for supporting women who are experiencing abuse. But there are some good women-centred practices and guidelines. Here are some questions to consider

Am I able to remain non-judgmental, empathic, respectful, and caring when I encounter a woman who is impacted by abuse?

Can I stay compassionate while supporting women as they navigate the negative social responses and structural barriers that prevent women from finding safety?

Do I believe women? Do I trust that women know their own reality best and I must listen carefully to women describe their reality in their own words and in their own ways.

Do I ask ‘what’s happened to this woman?’ rather than “what’s wrong with this woman?”

Am I aware of messages hidden in well-intentioned words?
“Why don’t you leave?”
“At least he didn’t hit you.”
“I know how you feel.”
“Your partner is just repeating what he saw as a child.”
“You have to stop exposing your child to the abuse.”

What helps you walk beside each woman you support as she navigates the danger posed by her partner and the confusion created by complex and sometimes-hostile services?